QUEST 13 For Couples
Jan and Francis had been together for 20 years. They were good friends and worked well together in their small business but they hadn't made love for a long time. This bothered Francis but not Jan.
I did one QUEST 13 session with them. Using muscle testing, I identified that the block came from an incident in Jan's childhood involving a verbally abusive teacher who made Jan believe that she was worthless. This resulted in her being unable to believe that she deserved to receive love even though she was now an adult and seemed on the surface to have perfectly good self esteem. She was carrying these old wounds unconsciously, but they were having a very real impact on her present life.
Both partners did healing exercises to get the energy flowing again between them and they recommitted to their relationship. I later heard that their sexual relationship was working out fine.
"The loving between my partner and myself is really great... I can't imagine now what the block was all about ...it's like I dreamed it."
F & J, Northland, July 2005
Healing Our Past Pain
Being in relationship inevitably brings up unhealed parts of ourselves which we need to pay attention to. In the presence of love, we can allow our vulnerabilities to show. Our old wounds may emerge in many forms – hostility, defensiveness, rejection, withdrawal or uncertainty – but they all stem from times when our needs were not met and we adapted by trying to protect ourselves.
In close relationships these maladaptive strategies get replayed (usually over and over) until challenged by the partner. Then the relationship either collapses, or strengthens, depending on whether one or both partners has the courage to address the issues and the compassion to handle what comes up. This is where QUEST 13 can help.
"I've just deposited the session fee into your account - with a big smile on my face. Thank you so much for your time, honesty, and loving support yesterday. We needed all of those. I was particularly delighted with the way in which [my partner] fronted up to the issues. I'm confident we're now ready to tackle something we've not felt free to do until now."
J & W, Auckland, February 2005
What Makes Good Relationships
In the QUEST 13 session different questions will be posed to both partners who can witness the process the other is going through. This invariably brings about new empathy and understanding. We also identify what their intentions are for the relationship and ensure that both are resonating with a shared vision.
John Goddard is a relationship researcher whose studies of successful couples informed him of what he calls the 5:1 ratio. This means that for every 5 caring, loving interaction the couple share, they tend to engage in one challenging interaction.
Obviously those who fight all the time never build up enough trust to let down their defences, this is understandable and obvious. But less obvious is his conclusion that couples who never fight or argue or debate or challenge one another do not thrive. He said this is because overcoming challenges helps couples grow together and couples who do not do this stagnate. These are the couples who split up out of the blue, sometimes after many years, to the consternation of the partner left behind.
Goddard's conclusion is that challenging interactions are as necessary as caring interactions to a healthy, growing, sustained relationship.
Booking A Session
QUEST 13 helps couples to 'find the jewel in the cave', i.e. to benefit from the block or distress and use it to strengthen the relationship.
"Thanks so much Lori. We really enjoyed the session with you, and things have been really harmonious since!"
P & K, Auckland, June 2007
Sessions in person with couples take between 1.5 and 2 hours and cost
NZ$ 160. Sessions by email for couples cost NZ$ 80.
Sessions can be paid by for by credit card, internet banking or cheque in all major currencies. See payment options for more details.